AND SHE LOVED A LITTLE BOY VERY, VERY MUCH EVEN MORE THAN SHE LOVED HERSELF
Today marks a special day for my little KING he turns the big fat 10 and as I reflect on these years with him and raising him I still myself the same thing … I did the best that I can ..
And if this website is still active in the next 10yrs I or even if I am still alive cause well you never know I hope he reads this letter that comes from the bottom of my heart . You see my son came as a surprise I really did think that I had the stomach flu for the longest time (was in denial) but this flu was a little bean growing inside of me and gave me the worst pregnancy scares ever left me traumatized but the amount of pain that I endured didn’t compare to the feeling of finally holding my son for the very first time .
Once my son was born I realized I had this human being that only depended on me and only me I was stuck in a lifeless marriage that I had to break free from and thats when I made the decision to leave his dad and I only hope that one day my son will understand the reasons why I did what I did and although his mentality is please go back to my dad I want a family one day he will understand why.
My Dearest Son I left a life that you wanted so that you could live a life of peace and well being when I explain to you about your father I don’t want you to have a horrible impression about him because no matter what he is your father and I know he loves you but one of us has to be the responsible one , and one day I hope you grow up to be the man I have raised you to be not like your father , I promised myself that If I was to ever bring another in the picture in my life I would make sure this man meets my expectations and needs and is accepting of you and your sister , you became so happy when I told about a man that had my heart and your exact words were “Mom I’m Glad Your Happy Cause You Deserve A Man To Treat You Good” and it wasn’t till you got so used to him calling and every time he rang you would be there on stand by to let me know Mom __________is calling answer !! you were so accepting of that and I only hope that when you have a special lady in your life you do the same .
I know many times when you would ask me mom what are we doing today ? and your biggest fear was that I tell that I’m tired I want to rest or nap you hated that but you understood it cause you saw how I couldn’t even function nor stay awake at like 3pm in the afternoon I hated that feeling of not being able to accommodate you but I always made up to you that following week with what ever it was that your heart desired , I always told you that when you get older and have a job you will understand but just focus on being a kid , I have worked so hard to give you the things that I could give you and holding down three jobs wasn’t enough sometimes to make it by and I felt like such a failure it devastated me deeply and for that one time I asked your father to please step up to the plate and own up to his responsibilities and help out a bit with something , I only hope that you always own up to your mistakes and know that with every mistake you have to somehow fix it and make it right .
My Dearest son when you witnessed my very first heartbreak from a relationship you knew about I couldn’t hold back the tears I was crying immensely you looked at me and held my hand and held me so tight so close and you told me that everything was going to be ok that maybe So and So is being dumb and is very stupid for hurting me and that we will be back together again soon and that’s when I knew I had raised a wonderful little boy so full of compassion and very nurturing and full of so much love to give ….and you where right we did get back together again , you even said that maybe moving in together with this man would probably be a good idea to take the next step into our relationship I was so blown away and amazed and how you would come up with this kinda stuff ..
My Dearest Son I want you to believe in your dreams in your heart that you can achieve anything you put your mind to it I have spent my whole life chasing my dreams while raising you and your sister and I want you to always care for her always even if she annoys the heck out of you , I am sorry that I can’t give you a little brother or sister cause being a big brother has always been something you have always wanted to do but I hope you understand maybe God gave me you and your sister only for a reason the reason being that both of you are enough !! , I promised you a Dog or Cat still working on that , I want you to know that before you came my life was about me and Emily and you showed up and gave it more meaning to follow my dreams and aspirations and I want to thank you for all that you are your sister are my strength and my eyes and I will work a million jobs a million hours to be able to see you both happy but just know that I tried the best that I can I always tried to maintain a smile a happy face in front of you cause I never wanted you to see me broken I just couldn’t but just know that when you did it was cause I cause I couldn’t hold the pain any longer .
1. the wildest of all 2. a noise with dirt on it 3. the most precious to their mothers.
If there is ever a doubt in your mind about anything just know that I spent my whole life guiding you to be the best man that you can be and that one day you will be a make life hard decisions but don’t let them break you down , one day you are going to be a loving husband bring your wife flowers as much as you can and never go to bed angry , go on dates and always fall for each other one day your going be a father be the greatest one yet and apply everything I ever taught you to your kids I only hope I get to witness and be there for the many special moments of your life but for now I only hope that you only worry about being young little boy who is careless and free and makes others laugh with your corny jokes that keep being the loving son that you are and never loose that trait and know this that life will be hard always but never loose hope and never loose your sense of wonder Happy Birthday on your 10th year I wanted to give you a big party with lots of people and all your friends and lots of gifts but with work and life and not having all the funds I wasn’t able to provide you with that maybe next year but the way I see it everyday is your birthday and we celebrate you always you are my greatest gift of life because you kept me going when I wanted to give up ..
Love Mom XoXo
You Are My SonShine