It was clearly a Monday Morning bright and early at 7am and I was not feeling my usual self , I had gone drinking with a friend on the weekend but what I don’t understand I didn’t have a lot to drink it was merley one drink , yes it was heavy but maybe that’s what triggered it the drink was very deluted in sugar , I was not feeling well the whole nite , morning afternoon and night time keep in mind I was at work dealing with this nasty headache / hangover .. lets go back to Monday I was not feeling myself I was tired and dizzy and exhausted on my lunch hour I went to car and sleep not eat just sleep , tuesday comes around and the same thing , wednesday again but this time if I was getting to work early I was sleeping till I was supposed to clock in …. That’s weird what’s wrong with me ?? I finally made an appointment to my doctor cause all this was very concerning it was actually my first time seeing a doctor in like 1 1/2 due to not having insurance and Obama Care was lagging it well they checked my blood pressure and It was way high the nurse said are you stressed out right now ?? I was like well I am always stressed out , well your pressure is too high you need to come back next week but go buy a Blood pressure monitor and write down your readings …. wait moving too fast what’s wrong with me ???
I had to be placed on medication right away but only half the dose , blood work had to be done to see what was going on still haven’t heard what my blood work results are at the same time my doctor was not communicating with me on things I was always the one calling to see what was going on I had a lot to be stressed about on another note kids, work , life , etc this was such a set back for me because I was too young to have this and the fact that I can suffer from a heart attack made things more hard for me to Not stress , I had to visit an cardiologist and get a Echocardiogram (Ultra sound in the Heart)
I thought I was going for a simple procedure but I ended up leaving the place with a migraine headache and so dizzy that I wanted to faint a couple of times it left me so drained I had to take deep breaths and hold them for so long just so that they can get a clear pic of my heart I am still waiting on results and i am scared because I know my body and I know when I am not at my 100% , I haven’t been for a couple of months now I deal with this hypertension on a daily basis I have some good days and have some bad days I don’t want to point any fingers but I think my birth control really triggered it a lot and my work habits don’t help either I am working 7 days a week back and forth with my kids my Ex husband does not help with my son , being a single mother can bite sometimes , I broke down one day and gave in to all my emotions my fears I was asking why ??? not right now I have so much to do and so much to look forward too I wanted to cry in the arms of my friend and just let it all out but it was always wrong timing I wanted to let my friend know that I was scared perhaps I just wanted to hear that everything was going to be ok , I had to man up myself and make me feel better perhaps this was all more hard for me because I don’t have someone in my life that can help me get thru this but I have great friends my kids my family and that can not compare to anything else ..
I had a lot of thinking to do more because I was starting to loose hope I was starting to struggle a lot with the simple things I did in life like stay up late and finish my cleaning prep for my lunch , do my daily activities have a social life etc all of that was starting to get really hard for me to pull off I mean just working an 8 hour shift was such a major accomplishment , I was starting to think what if I die sooner than I expected ? did I do what I wanted to do here on earth ? who will care for my kids if I leave one day I told my daughter on a serious note if anything were to ever happen to me please don’t let your dad take daniel please promise me , she assured me that she will not allow it I think my daughter would fight custody of her brother first I told that I wanted Daniel to stay with my parents he would have everything he needs there , a roof , food , cloths and especially Love the love and care that he needs , I don’t imagine me leaving this earth but I did think about it and it brought me to tears only because my kids and I wondered who would go to my funeral or would they forget about me after a week , I want every one to wear white and in the entrance of the church I want the best pics I took in my photo shoots and I want all my friends to say what they will always remember about me and I want the Love of my life to never forget me and keep our great memories alive , I know I am not the only one that has thought about this day and I am not trying to be a Debbie Downer but sometimes god gives us true life reality checks and we need change things up for the better , life lesson learned I am taking better care of myself a lot of my worries I keep to myself , my health is not at its 100% yet but I am doing something about that’s for sure , most of my life I did nothing but suffer for a man that wasn’t even worth it , I end up in the wrong romancing relationships if that’s what you call em now days I have always made the mistake of falling too hard in love and give so much of me that I don’t even receive anything back not even a promise or a care back I blame myself but I don’t want to leave this earth regretting anything not one thing , If I leave I know I was loved and admired by many I have always said I wanted to inspire other’s as long as I am still alive I will continue to do all these things if God willing