“Forgiveness is a change of perception from fear to Love”
A forgiving heart is also a good heart , I am pretty sure I mentioned this to my Ex I think it bugged him that I was always so understanding or as he told me before “God Babe Your So Chill” I really actually was I was drama free and always trying to keep the peace cause his baby momma was nothing but negative and the devil according to him , I even defended her just to keep the peace with him , maybe that was my problem I was too chill but that is seriously my way of life I don’t have any room in my heart for any hate no matter how much anyone has hurt me , and I am almost positive that he knows this . Forgiveness is so important to move on to be with peace and a step to letting go to what hurt you.. the past year or so I was surrounded by nothing but pure negativity and friends , relationships , career well mostly my Ex and although he hurt me so much and broke me into a million pieces I had to forgive him so that I was able to move on (I am listening to Oldies as I am writing this) he came with huge baggage that I thought I was able to well …..just throw it under the rug as how he would have described it , what he did to me was imaginable and cold hearted and yet still to understand …. but I had to forgive him to understand , to understand that sometimes some things are not under our control , what I admired most about him was his will to give up on his own happiness to make peace and to live a steady life, he had a lot on his plate I tried to be his peace and whether he is happy or not I had to understand this sometimes things happen for a reason , it still doesn’t change the fact that he hurt a couple ppl along the way , sometimes I wonder if he ever wakes up in the morning hating himself , no but really hate himself or maybe it just doesn’t phase him . I know for a fact that there are many things that remind him of me at least that’s what he last told me one of the last good conversation that we had . This whole experience broke me and he abandoned me when I needed him the most lost for words and confused AF , I had to understand why he did it and it gave me all the clarity in the world I was sad because I knew he had so much ambition and drive it made me so happy cause I brought that goodness into his life.
He kept something that belong to the both of us and every time he uses it he’s going to remember why I got it for us sure I would have loved to kept it but if he ever decides to go fourth with his passion or idea he can just be like well Calipso always believed in me , Forgiving him taught me the most biggest lesson in the world …that I indeed do have a big heart and that is a good quality that someone else will enjoy from , I am one step closer to not hating him anymore because god knows that all my intentions where nothing but genuine and who ever he ends up with I only hope that he treats them with kindness and actually plays fair . I had to forgive him so that I could live with peace in my heart and my life and to make room for the good , we will never forget those that made a huge impact in our lives and he did because of him I want to travel , because of him I want to further my career , because of him , I want to film more amazing short films and inspire others , and because of him I am actually going to book that trip to Cabo and have the most amazing time of my life this summer actually , he’s going to see the pictures and say to himself she actually did it and I know he will be filled with joy because he wanted nothing more for me than to be happy he will live the experiences through my pics cause well social media is the only way we can keep tabs on ppl now days .. So if you are reading this I forgave you a long time ago and no need to live with guilt cause I can imagine how that feels I hope things have worked out for the better I pray that you always find peace in your heart cause deep inside that’s you have been wanting for the past year or so , I had to let you go because I loved you, not because I didn’t love you ….my heart is still heavy from the scars left behind wondering if I made the right decision or not , but in my heart I had to do what was right for me and for the other ppl at stake one day you will thank me , the damage was done and it can never be undone ..
I owe myself an apology for all the stuff I accepted and allowed when I knew I deserved better . Forgiveness brings healing , And to the girl I was then -I forgive you!