“You look so Young for your Age ‘ Wait How old are you?…..
Story of my Life and Trust me I don’t mind it at all if I can get away with it I was born in Mexico and was smuggled here about three times I guess 3rd times a charm my parents did what any other parents did come to California for a better future to live the american dream …..
16 Yrs Old what I Thought I knew..
At this age I thought I knew everything and even how to take care of a Baby because at this age I was already prego well to be exact I got prego at like 17 there that makes me look more older and more mature I was a teen mom but I still had my visions, goals and dreams they just had to be put on Major Hold , I went through a lot with my family and yes I was a big disappointment to them but at that age it didn’t really phase me as much because I was too focused on who was coming and my relationship with her looser dad just about everything was draining me I was still in school and trying to pass my classes to graduate was so hard but when my daughter was born it just made me want to try harder and pursue more out of life to better our future and I was actually the only one thinking this and as a matter of fact I was living in like Cloud 9 or in some kind fantasy that took a lot of reality checks to wake up and smell the coffee I may have not accomplished a lot at this age but it was good enough for me and that’s all that mattered .
18 yrs old and almost legal ..
It really just dawned to me that I was already an adult but with a bigger responsibility as a house wife with dinner ready by 6pm and having the baby ready for bath time and making sure things were cleaned before the crazy mother-in law got home and complained about the mess don’t get me wrong I owe that woman so much because she has taught me so much about marriage god how to raise a child etc I was already prego with another child and this time I was not ready I did something very bad and unheard of the reason was because I didn’t want to bring another child in this world while still living in a small bedroom for three and with very little income I still can’t forgive myself for this and I felt like coward but I knew it was wrong and I Know I have a little angel up above watching over us only god can judge me and I know when that day comes I will ask for his forgiveness on bended knees as I should , what I realized at this age of 18 was that I had to keep on forward with what I had to do to provide for my child and that there was no looking back but I felt so empty inside and I ignored all the signs that this was not going to work …
25 and not even almost there….
At this age I was already loosing it with everything my stress level was above and beyond school was getting so much harder and it just seemed like I was going on the right track , although my marriage was falling apart but I was determined that I was going keep trying for it, for the sake of our child cause that was the right thing to do feeling so alone and finding myself in such a dark depression that I didn’t even know who I was or if I was even going to make it I was at my deepest low but I kept on telling myself No Calipso keep going Not today to te dejes vencer .
‘Sometimes the Most beautiful people are beautifully broken r.m drake’
At the age now I am grateful for the hard lessons, I had to go through this and although my Ex-husband did have many affairs on me I’m really glad that he did cause the low class dogs that he was creeping with where just perfect for him the one in particular they were meant for each other I hated her yes but I also felt sorry for her cause she was so stupid and dumb so many loose screws in her head *Kanye Shrug* it was at this very point in my life that I had to change my life for the better of me and my little one it was up to me and I didn’t know how I was going to do it but I had to the last 5 yrs of my marriage were really just a joke and a waste of my time I was living a lie being with someone who I had no sentimental feelings for but he on the other hand was ok with that if there is anything positive that he gave me was really just my two kids at the age of 30 I was bearing our 2nd child and feeling more lost and confused than ever before I did not know what to do but I knew that I had to make the change once and for all my son was my biggest wake up call ever .
some people are Lost in their heads, some people are lost in their hearts , and some people feel so lost they find the beautiful places, that some of us will never live to fill r.m drake
At 30 Calipso got her Groove Back…..
Newly single and Divorcing and stuck with so much debt and I was going to get myself out of this one no matter how long it will take me and being in a relationship was the least of my thoughts although I did think it would have been nice to have a friend to be there for me and such , and the fact that I had to answer to no man just made this all much more amazing , no more worrying about finding numbers on his phone nor someone accusing me of cheating on and I could go anywhere I had pleased I was free something I have never experienced before it felt so good and wonderful at this age I learned that I had to take it easy not get ahead of myself and I was literally trying to Run before I can crawl, and I knew I can conquer the world I was so determind to get into the flow of things and to finally work on me slowly but surely
‘Fear is an Illusion, when you understand this you’ll be free’
My 30’s have been so good to me well still good to me cause I’m not the Big 40 yet and my 30’s in a nut shell have been such a roller coaster ride I was very close to having a boyfriend but did us a favor a saved me from more heart ache all along I thought it was me but it wasn’t it was Him and he wasn’t ready for me and the fact that he never really saw the other side of Calipso the Mommy side and that’s ok cause I need someone that will accept me and my kids they come first always , I know so many woman that put HIM before anything else , I love me first before I can Love anyone else …
35 and ehhhhmmm…..
let me explain it’s not bad at all but by the time I reached 35 I began to see and notice who was who and was with me and who wasn’t and my circle is very small I had to delete a lot of close people from my life even some that I knew for many yrs it’s easy to just block someone from FB but to really do it in actual life that’s hard and by this time I was fed up with people just walking all over me I was all about accommodating everyone , from favors to money, and taking for granted my kindness perhaps working in Radio made me grow some balls , but I was fed up with people and their motives , I began to care only about me and start working on my things my projects and goals boy was I right cause that’s exactly what I did but I came across some very unreliable and unprofessional people that some things just did not work out and I learned that I had to let things go for sake of me and to not mind it at all ..
I need to believe that only I can chase my dreams, that only I can light the fire in me , that no one can break me , unless I break myself ,and only someone else can help me carry the pieces , I need to believe that I am different and I am full of love , and I live every moment believing …. then the chaos in my heart will be a beautiful thing and the world will never cease to forget my name…
I just have to believe r.m drake
I can’t even explain it but as you get older you start to cherish the smallest yet most simple things in life like great company with good people that are all nothing but positive and that will only bring out the positive in you , I have never been so close to god as I am now I try to visit church during the week as much as I can and they say that your prayer must be so heartfelt and so good that you walk out crying and feeling so refreshed , I learned to stop asking why ? why god why me ?? how come this?? why isn’t it going this way?? I learned to say ok I’m trying to understand and I will and I trust in you , I also learned to be a better mother to my kids and to be that role model they need , I don’t complain as much as I used to , I’m working on this , I have also learned to let go of things that I can’t control like the fact that I found my soulmate but we can’t be….. he has the most amazing smile that just lights up the room every time I think of him , so kind and sweet, noble and caring in his own way the way I love him is so sweet and I still believe that no other woman will compare to me because my intentions were always good and I see things in him that no one else see’s I guess we will only understand what we had and it’s not me it’s him , I am trying to understand that still… tears are falling as I’m writing this for a while I prayed for Him and to hope that god really just fills him with so much joy and better understanding of things he let me get away but I’ll always love him and he knows that , and I don’t think it’s possible to forget someone who gave you so much to remember…..
I can’t remember what it was before you , and i don’t even know how we got here , but maybe that’s exactly what i needed, someone who could make me forget where i came from and someone who could make me love without knowing how to fall.
If you love something you set it free but I’ll be damed if I do and dammed if I don’t , we live and we learn we have to take the good with the bad and I realize everyday that I am lucky and blessed to have my kids my family my job a car a roof over my head and full tank of gas my career I’m working on it I have to give it some time and I have accomplished so much that if I were to leave this earth I would say yeah I did what wanted but I’m not done , I know god can take me away anyday cause we are here one day and gone tomorrow …..
She was a beautiful dreamer, the kind of girl who kept her head in the clouds, loved above the stars, and left regret beneath the earth she walked on …. r.m drake
I don’t have all the answers to life and that’s ok cause I’m still learning but I do know this I don’t regret anything that ever made me happy even if it was for a second , and I will tell you this I am very great full for so many things , I’m lucky that my coyote did not kill me or my mother when we were crossing the border , and we are lucky that nobody tried rape us when we were at the safe house I remember so many things as a child I’m lucky to be here and I will make every moment count ….
Well I’m 37 today , and that’s another story that I have to start writing ……as of now
Thank you for letting me share my story at 37 ~ Citlally Calipso Aranda ~