December 28, 2014 3

By the time my daughter was to reach the age of 18 I had thought that I’d for sure had things figured out and that we would be in a very stable place that we would call home and now that she is 19 years young I am more scared for her than she is with starting school making career  and life choices , through out the yrs we have moved so many times from one place to another getting evicted  twice having to stay with family for a bit just so that we can get back on our feet again and again  I am just so sorry that we went through that my little girl was suffering ever since I was carrying her in my womb and only escalated ever since and I wanted to say sorry for that if  times got ruff I tried my best to pull us out of it ……I admit it I was a bit selfish sometimes but only because I always saw the brighter side of things so it seemed …2014-09-13 11.58.53I am sorry I wasn’t able to send you to the ballet classes that you wanted to take when you were just about 6 or 7 or join the Girl scouts due to the fact that it was so expensive and we couldn’t afford it but we did send you to those hip hop classes for about a week and you really didn’t like all that much cause you were too shy .

I am sorry that I didn’t take better of myself when I was expecting you I was only craving cheeseburgers and french fries and soda perhaps you wouldn’t have gotten sick all the time and almost lost you to those awful seizures  but the Doctor was right you outgrew them and your alive and pain in the Ass sometimes wouldn’t want it any other way.

I am sorry that I never threw you that Quinceneta party or even a Sweet 16 part where you could have worn a beautiful Princess dress and celebrate with all your friends but I am shooting for a 21st birthday if not you can go to Vegas and party with all your friends .

I’m so sorry that you always saw me and your dad always fight all the time and that one christmas wasn’t so good it went out of hand , also I wanted to let you know that no woman deserves to feel like she isn’t worth anything because she is …

I’m sorry that your dad never took his role of being a dad seriously and everyday of my life I wake up hating myself for ever choosing such a selfish heartless person to call your  father , every girl has a hero and mine is my Dad I feel bad that you can’t even say that about yours but can you Imagine how much more I hate myself because your brother has no hero either , but perhaps I can be your hero if you let me ….

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I am so sorry that you have had to step in for your father to help me raise your little brother while I work 7 days a week I know he’s a handful  and sometimes  it gets really hard but I really have no one else to depend on but you and you have done such a great job I couldn’t be anymore proud , and it kills me inside every time I had to tell you that “No you can’t go out tonite , Cause I have to work my other job” you never argued with me I know you have had to eat your words many times for this …

I’m so sorry for your very 1st heartbreak and the fact that I couldn’t make it right but you had to mend it and heal on your own that was tuff love but look at you now wait what’s his face ?? 

I’m sorry that you don’t have your own car yet but give me a few I’m gonna find you the nicest used car that your gonna love and your gonna have to pick up your brother from school for me LoL there’s always a catch …

I am so sorry that we don’t have our own place just yet where you can get up as you please to get yourself something to eat no matter what time it is , I have a feeling we will have a place to call our home soon and we will get a pet dog and not have to worry about giving him or her away cause we need to move again like all the other times ..

I’m so sorry that you always had to see your dad high all the time and drinking but I am most proud that you don’t do either only when I let you have a sip of my wine .

2014-06-10 16.19.55  There isn’t anything that I would ever change about you every little feature about you is perfect and the day you were born my life changed for ever you made me grow up fast and that was ok well we both grew up kinda together  and maybe though out the course of  our lives I have made some poor choices but it could have been worse , I always had to put you guys first before myself .

There isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t think about the well being of us and how we are going to manage to make things work I wish I could have had a lot of help from your dad paying for college will most likely put me in so much debt but I would rather work a dozen hours a day and have 2 more jobs just to be able to give you a bright future  just promise me when your successful you won’t put me in a retirement home please ….. <Inside joke we have>

I am saying sorry in advance for anymore heartbreaks or disappointments that will eventually happen cause all that’s life and we have to make mistakes to learn from them I can promise you that I will alway’s be your best friend and a shoulder to cry on I can not promise that life will be easy and I only hope you always make the right choices in friends, men , work , life , school …

“If you ever feel like giving up, just remember there is a little girl watching who wants to be just like you ….. don’t disappoint her’

One thing I am not sorry about is missing prom, gradnite or outings with friends ,watching you grow up so fast to this beauty I call my daughter I am not sorry that I left your dad I would do it over and over again because it’s what I had to do and I know you understand me  Happy Birthday today is your day <3

Love you always your mama xoxo

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This is so beautiful. a mother we try our best and give our all!

December 28, 2014 at 9:41 pm karina Reply

I read your story to your daughter wow calipso it was like a bitter sweet moment I really admire you for playing both roles .I’m sure your daughter does to and appreciate everything you do for her and am sure she’s going to make good choices in life with the tools you have given her to prepare her self in life .

December 30, 2014 at 9:54 am sandra Reply

Whoa! This blog looks just like my old one!
It’s on a entirely different subject but it has pretty much the same page layout and design. Outstanding choice of colors!

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