I don’t believe in some of the same things I did a year ago. A year from now now I may not either
I took a trip down memory lane today I visited an old apartment complex that I used to live at !! This place brought out my darkest days I walked in the gate that had the same code when I lived there when I was married ok before I go any further it’s a Fleetwood Mac type of night with a candle on and a bottle of wine crap I might go through a bottle I have so much to write !! I dropped off my son to his Nina’s who is my sister-in-law and for a second I got the weirdest feeling like the everything just came back and it did not feel good at all but again the feeling Was for a slight second I been feeling kinda funky lately not sure why it’s prob because I am transitioning into some big change soon things haven’t been going right they have been going Left but I am going with the flow !! but coming back here to reminisce about the horror that I lived really just made me realize Thank Goodness for Growth !! you see in this place I lived most of the darkest days of my married life and I really tried to get out sooner but there was just no way !!
The only reason this apartment complex has so many memories is because my ex- husband put us through so much drama and life threatening situations I really should have left the min it smelled funny , he used to bring so many people over people that I never trusted , even family that almost got us killed !! one time his cuzin had to hide in our bathroom tub cause some fools were looking for him and when they came knocking they was not joking !! I remember being on the phone with 911 telling the opperator that some idiot is trying to break in my home he made it through the door almost stabbing my Ex-husband at the the time and here I am looking at my daughters eyes while I am with the 911 operator telling her to hurry up and get a fucking unit over here I will never forget the image me and my daughter holding her dog scared , crying and with my youngest sister in-law ohh and let me add his cuzin was hiding in the bathroom with us too , this isn’t the only nightmare horror we lived , we also had our window shattered by one of my ex’s high school friends of his that he thought was cool I remember that night when they arrested the guy with the knife I knew that it wasn’t safe anymore so we had to flee and hide away for a while actually for good I lived in fear and I knew they were going to come back for us no doubt , I lived most of my darkest place in this apartment complex but going back today gave me the biggest sigh of relief and said to myself thank goodness for Growth , thank goodness for change and for actually doing something that makes you happy yes maybe I did have some happy moments but I really don’t remember them at all , I look back at life right now and I see nothing but more growth, change and positive moves , anybody that knows me knows that I am your little ray of sunshine here to give you nothing but positive vibes !! Again everything in my life right now is going Left not right but I am going with the flow I can not control the things that happen in life , but I have said this before I don’t regret anything that has ever made me smile , laugh or cry , I am 40 going on 41 soon and I think more and more I just get so disappointed with ppl and how they view life , not giving a fuck !! I feel that if you are past 40 and you still don’t know what the fuck you want your in deep shit !! I myself is making some drastic changes in my life not because I want to but because I have too!! change is always hard for me but I have to do it for the sake of my future and my kids !! So if you feel like life has you down don’t sit there and wait for things to happen actually make the changes , get out of your comfort zone and do it soon !! Cause before you know it your going to be stuck in a situation or a relationship that will be hard to get out off , Ladies we all dream about our prince charming and hope that he appears sooner than later but enjoy your time and if he comes he comes and if he doesn’t your good , I look back at all the things I have accomplished and I need to give myself a lot more credit than I usually do I am grateful that I am not no longer married to the selfish bastard that cared about nothing but his dam self I am grateful that I have a career that I love and that I do things every day to chase my dam dreams!! I mean I am on-air six days a week yo I am good although most men really don’t understand my line of work or never really have been interested cause they never really asked questions !! ughhh it happens I hope you are still listening to Fleetwood Mac Dreams !! I think I have talked way too much today but remember it’s ok if things are going Left instead of Right and it’s never too late for change and growth you got this don’t be 45 yrs and be stuck doing the same stupid shit you been doing since high school make that change orita !! right now
Begin Again , And Again , And Again !!