What I learned at the age of 3@#$%^*!

October 20, 2015 0

If I had to sum up my 30’s I can’t sorry cause I’m still in my 30’s ¬†<seighOfRelief> but the fact that I am almost going in the direction of my 40’s just really makes me dizzy LoL can I just stay being young ??? well I always want something that I can never have ūüôĀ I have been turning 25 for the past 10 yrs now¬†nobody ¬†has to know *SideLook* ¬†last year I did wrote a post about her story at 37 and here is the story I will¬†admit to you that I had some goals already in mind by the time I hit this age and I they haven’t even come close to it I thought perhaps by now I would own my own property and be settled down with my Latin Prince Charming and have Le Daughter in College working on her own¬†career ¬†also I had wanted to enroll my son in¬†soccer ¬†but the truth in the matter is that I have excuses for all these , My¬†health got in the way in¬†a lot of these things¬†to slow me down just a bit , I¬†don’t have my house yet cause right now is not a good time¬†to buy , I am still saving and putting a little bit once a month , I am not in a¬†committed relationship cause I¬†believe I¬†thought I was waiting on something that was never going to¬†happen ¬†it’s his loss not mine , my oldest one gave me a bombshell this year enough to make you go¬†crazy ¬†she told me that she¬†doesn’t ¬†like school and that college is not for her so she is taking a break so that she can¬†pursue modeling , I am still having a hard time dealing with this …..

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At this age I had to learn to let¬†a lot of things go and¬†first ¬†and¬†for most forgive other’s for wrong doing me¬†and I let¬†a lot of people walk all over me and not value my worth as much as I Should , I figured I¬†won’t ¬†judge anyone anymore god is the only one they have to face one day and I am def no angel either but you know what I mean , I have also learned¬†to speak up when I see the wrong in other’s I have had to do that a couple times this year it led me to so many tears but my heart was so heavy so many things weighed me down¬†a lot , I am still working on this .

If Life Can Remove Someone You Never Dreamed Of Losing , It Can Replace Them With Someone You Never Dreamt Of Having “

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I had to delete¬†a lot of¬†people in my life those that¬†don’t seek what I seek , I also¬†don’t judge individuals anymore I know we are all¬†fighting ¬†a battle that other’s don’t know about I just tell them that I am here if you need me , This time¬†around being a single parent has gotten so much harder and Heavier in heart if you ask I constantly look at my kids especially the little one and just shake my head of shame and tell myself ¬†what was I thinking ?? why must my kids have this man they call dad not even give a rat ass about them I hate myself for¬†choosing ¬†a man like that for them but after all he did give me my two wonderful kids that I love to death I see other Dads that are so involved in their kids life from picking them up to school to driving far¬†just to see them for a few hrs , my kids dad¬†can’t even find a job let alone drive a car to pick up his son so many countless times I had waste my gas just so that my son can see his dad , I am trying to stay positive with all this , another thing that I learned this year was that I¬†don’t need anybody that doesn’t need me” someone really close to me let me down in the worst possible way I am still¬†trying to deal with that all in due time I think I am a working progress and a Beautiful mess I tell you I have accepted that I need to seek a shrink if thats what you call them yes the problem is that deep , again God is with me and I trust in him¬†

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The little girl¬†you see ¬†in this picture had so many plans for her life and somehow in someway it¬†didn’t go as planned because God Wrote something else for her and that’s ok I trust in him and I have so much faith that things will be ok he has blessed me with my¬†career ¬†and right now I am in training for what I want to become someday I am so¬†grateful ¬†Very much so¬†

The Sky Is Above Me , The Earth is Bellow me And The Fire is Within Me”

I also found out that¬†a lot of ¬†women look up to ¬†me I say this to not Brag but only because¬†a lot of my writing has influenced females from all over when someone takes the time to write to you to tell you that you inspire them to change to¬†be stronger ¬†and to make a¬†drastic change in their lives that’s like Huge for me some left an abusive¬†relationship , others have made the change to loose weight because my¬†weight loss inspired them and others have¬†told me that they want to¬†pursue radio because they look up to me and I have had some tell me that they see how a great mom that they want¬†to¬†go back to school and make their own kids proud of them thats amazing it fills my heart with joy you all know who you are xoxo !

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This year I have learned to embrace my Natural beauty my grace my Curves my Flaws and all I am no where from perfect and I know when I am at¬†wrong ¬†I am very¬†stubborn and I give my all in everything that I do perhaps that’s my problem I care just a little too much , I am a working progress just like¬†everyone ¬†else , I care about myself and I do things to make me happy , I try to eat¬†healthy causeI want to live longer in this crazy world of ours I mean if a Kim Kardashian ¬†is what these broads call a role model then so be it my Role models are real woman with real talent and real bodies nothing fake about them My mommy being Number 1 on that list we must not let social media take¬†control of our thoughts and world do actually put the phone down and take a long walk an¬†appreciate ¬†the wind the sky and the sun close your eyes and smell the roses it will take you back to memory lane just for a second .

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I¬†can’t ¬†really¬†summarize ¬†my 30’s yet but that they are what you make of them and never regret anything that once ¬†made you smile , laugh or happy¬†

photo 3¬†¬†Birthdays for me are hard and I have my reasons why I think every year they just get more harder than the other, there is something¬†definitely wrong with me I will turn that¬†around I swear , It helps to have great people and great friends around you that you can call them like¬†family they all hold a special¬†place in my corazon and I know I don’t tell them enough but they know , If you are still wondering How old I am well I am officially #38 there I said it, you happy that’s why I keep turning 25 for the past 10 yrs now LMAO!!! I don’t look mybage so that helps and I look¬†at my life and¬†people¬†my age now I am happy that I¬†didn’t have like 4 kids from four different men and jumping on one marriage¬†to another, dealing or doing drugs collecting government money ,¬†parting ¬†every weekend and¬†smooching off of men ¬† I am also glad that I am in no part of an Abusive¬†relationship where a man has the need to tell me what I can or Can NOT do all my choices have been good and some well not so great but I don’t let failures repeat themselves I just¬†can’t ¬†If I see a single mother making the wrong choices that’s on her she will learn¬†trust me , my book that I have been wanting to write has been¬†way long over due and I will begin to write it finally and anyone that has been a huge¬†part of my life will be in it, they are part of the character’s in the story so my advice to you is to choose them wisely now its time to write¬†my journey on the big 38 and thank you for reading my story and for stopping by

Citlally Calipso XO

 

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